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Blindingly Obvious - Hype1's Weekly Advice Column
Date: 2006-05-04 16:32:49
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Blindingly Obvious - T is back from vacation, rested and ready to dispense his unique brand of thoughtful and compassionate advice!

Is it cool if I date, say 3 different guys at once, a makeout session here and there, nothing serious, but none of them know about each other? Am I a slut?

Whoah, lets not throw around the s-bomb so freely. You have to earn that title of slut and it’s not that easy to do, trust me. You are most definitely not a slut, a makeout whore maybe, but not a slut, yet.

What you are is what is most commonly known as a tease or even a freeze. You aren’t dating any of these guys and if you consider making out with someone a sign that you are dating them then you have some serious over-commitment issues. In my many years I have come across countless females in your same predicament, you have no problem making out but then freeze up when we men try to continue this sensual dance but with less clothes on. And let me say this to you and the others like you ? you don’t fool us, we have even less respect for you than we do for actual sluts because at least they have the ovaries to go for it and not pussy out.

Of course it is nothing serious because none of these "three" guys take you seriously. Of course they know about each other, we are too wise and cunning not to - and besides, we wrote the script on making out with several different people at once (its called porn). But here is why they probably are not worried, if you won’t sleep with Guy #1 then he doesn’t care because there is no possible way you would turn his tools down in favour of another’s because every guy knows that his tools are the best.

So don’t worry, you are just a stereotypical female tease who comes us with lame excuses as to why you won’t go further than making out. Excuses like "I’m too drunk," "I don’t trust myself," "I’m on my period," "I have Hep C," "I have a husband and a child," "I’m a virgin," "I’m a lesbian," "I like you as a friend," "You’re ugly," and "I don’t even know your name". Look if you ever want to be called a slut then you better lie down, open up and start taking it like a true slut, until then you’re not fooling anyone, except yourself and maybe that idiot who actually believed you when you told him you had a Yeast Infection.

Am I really THAT big...compared to other guys?

You know all those sayings like "it’s not the size, its how you use it" and so on? Well, that’s all bullshit. Size matters, trust me. That is why you never see a black chick with an Asian guy.

It is difficult for me to judge how big you are without seeing it, and since I’d rather not I am going to assume that you are average sized, because if you were truly big you wouldn’t need to write to some stranger asking for his reassurance.

Whether you are big or small, there are certain things you can do to increase the stock of your cock. Now bear in mind these are my personal, patented tactics and they will assure you of feeling even that much bigger if you follow my guidelines:

Shave - I cannot stress this enough, the shorter the hair the longer the stare
Don’t bang whores - it’s like throwing a wiener down a hallway
Only sleep with virgins - they are guaranteed to bleed and you’ll always be their biggest
No fat chicks - thanks to the gunt, you can’t tell if you’re in or out and that’s never a good thing
Always be drunk - things always seem bigger when you’re drunk

Try those ones out and I promise you will feel even bigger and if those don’t do enough for you just remember this - you’ll always be huge when she takes it up the ass.

Send your questions to!!!

Why do girls always obsess over me after we have sex? I mean, really. Don’t they have their own lives? Why do they feel the need to drop all of their other friends and focus on me? Fuck.

Here is your problem - it’s called reality. It may be harsh but get used to it. When guys begin a sexual encounter we are fully aware of the consequences and have come to accept the fact that most likely this woman (god knows what her name is) will become so attached and dependant on your superior love making skills that she will become a fiend.

Guys live by the saying, "bros before hoes" but sadly women do not have a similar saying and instead use this as their mantra, "men above all else". Once again, this is the harsh reality of things. But a common mistake that most men like yourself make is that assuming that women don’t have their own lives and that they drop their friends and focus on you because they are crazy vagabonds. They do in fact have a life, only now their sole purpose in life is to thank you for your services, their focus is on doing whatever they can to earn another chance in bed with you and as for their friends - ah, fuck them.

But if you and your girlfriend want to avoid this situation all together just take certain precautionary steps before rocking this stranger’s world. Steps like, never take her to your home (this way she’ll never know where you actually live), never give her your cell number, and above all else, never ever tell her your real name. Pick an alias like Richard or T because girls really go for guys with those names. And that way even if she does call your cell and your girlfriend or mum picks up, she will just sound like a crazy vagabond, the third one that’s called this week.
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